When it comes to erectile dysfunction, there are a number of ways to treat it—but few address the roots of the issue. By acknowledging and actively reshaping thought patterns, people can regain command over their sexual experiences. Here are 7 key insights into treating erectile dysfunction.

Key Insight #1: Acknowledging Psychological Influence

Gaining psychological control and understanding of what landed you here is the first step toward doing something about it. To gain competency and confidence in your sexual performance, you first need to understand where it came from. Understanding this will build a framework for which you can begin to mentally reframe your issue. Following this guidance will help bring you into the mental and physical state you’ll need to be sexually successful.

Your thoughts (the ones that go through your mind every day), is a critical piece to understand because what you think about reflects in your performance. If you’ve had a negative experience in the past, it does stick with you even if you don’t think it does. This experience gets embedded in your mind and body and that experience tells your present self how to act.

If you keep those thoughts consistent and don’t change them or don’t figure out where they came from, the brain continues to repeat them. Think of it like your computer which is set to automatically “default” the system. Since you have not “personalized” the data, it is just set to be automatic. So, if you want to change your default into action, you need to notice first that it is happening and then change it.

So, remember, your thoughts (often the negative ones) come from the past and can stick with you. This can make you feel like they are running the show and will take control over your sexual performance instead of you being the one in control. Once you learn that you are not your thoughts and can separate those from your current experiences, you will have the confidence to move forward with new partners and with yourself.

Key Insight #2: Recognizing the Lifelong Journey

This issue didn’t suddenly appear out of nowhere. It is the culmination of a lifetime of experiences and conditioning. So, it’s important to stop being hard on yourself. You’re a work in progress. Your journey has been shaped by various life experiences, successes, and setbacks.

Most men I’ve worked with, if not all of them, have been overachievers, people who excel at work, in their life, in their relationships, and they just can’t understand or conceive of “why” they can’t make “this/their penis” work. When you’ve had a successful life, a great career, you’re making good money, and things seem awesome it is very traumatizing to suddenly lose your erection. For many men this is detrimental.

They can’t understand why all of their life everything has been good, and now all of a sudden, they can’t perform like they could before. So, remember, this issue didn’t suddenly appear out of nowhere. It is the culmination of a lifetime of experiences and conditioning. So, it’s important to stop being hard on yourself. You’re a work in progress. Your journey has been shaped by various life experiences, successes, and setbacks and once you understand this, things will begin to get better.

Key Insight #3: Unveiling the Link Between Psychology and Performance

Your thoughts about yourself, your performance, and your body play a significant role in shaping your sexual experiences. Negative thoughts can become a self-fulfilling prophecy, influencing your ability to perform. However, it’s essential to recognize that these thoughts are rooted in past traumas and experiences, not in the present reality. By understanding this, you can start to challenge and change these negative thought patterns, paving the way for more positive experiences.

Key Insight #4: Understanding Conditioning and Self-Worth

Look back to how you were conditioned and/or how you were raised. From a young age, you’ve been conditioned to equate success and self-worth with external achievements and validation. Whether it was excelling in academics, sports, or other endeavors, you learned to derive self-esteem from external accomplishments. This conditioning extends to your sexual development, where performance becomes intertwined with self-worth. However, this pattern no longer serves you, and it’s time to reevaluate your beliefs about success and self-esteem.

Let me give you an example. When you achieved good grades or exceled in sports, what happened? Perhaps you were praised, loved, or cherished. A child will take that experience and associate it with the external source. Were you praised and loved for sitting on the couch as a teenager? Or did you feel popular and loved when you knew more than someone else, or got into the best college? All of these things that happen while you grow are based on gaining love and affection. That is all a child wants and needs. If that child feels compelled to do great again, or get perfect grades, or be in the best physical shape, its because they have been rewarded for those things. They gain self- esteem from accomplishing tasks and performing well. So, what they do is linked to how they feel about themselves. How they feel about themselves develops into who they think they are.

So, conditioning begins at a young age and continues through their sexual development. Imagine a man who achieved everything they set out to do only to realize they are an adult now and can’t keep it up. To go from having it all to feeling like a failure is exactly what it feels like for so many men with this problem. Good news is you are here to change that belief system because it no longer serves you or your self-esteem.

You will no longer have to use this method (accomplishments = success) to think and feel successful.

Acknowledging that this is about how you have internalized your success will make you see that this pattern is in the past. Your success has been about “getting, gaining, etc.” It’s been about what you’ve always said to yourself or how you came to be confident. So, it’s about your internal dialogue, and that can change.

Key Insight #5: Shifting Focus to Internal Validation

The fear of not meeting expectations or comparing your current performance to past achievements can exacerbate performance anxiety. This anxiety stems from a lifetime of seeking external validation and associating success with specific outcomes. By understanding this pattern and shifting your focus to internal validation and self-acceptance, you can break free from the cycle of anxiety and self-doubt.

Key Insight #6: Addressing Generalized Anxiety

When everything has been going well for a man and all of a sudden he loses his erection, it hits especially hard on his self- esteem. They can begin to compare their results, their achievements to their other achievements. They may say to themselves, “I’ve always done this with ease” or “why is this so hard when all else has been easy?” This comparison then causes greater anxiety and a fear that they won’t be able to do it next time if they feel they have failed this time. So, anxiety feeds anxiety. The good news however is that there are methods to overcome this through physical conditioning and somatic approaches.

Key Insight #7: Introducing Positive Thought Patterns

Once you’ve gained insight into your negative thought patterns and their origins, the next step is to introduce new, more positive patterns of thought. Think of it as updating your mental software. Just as you would upload new programs to your computer, you can reprogram your brain to focus on positive experiences and outcomes. By practicing mindfulness and staying present in the moment, you can learn to let go of negative thought patterns and cultivate a more positive mindset

The key is understanding the psychological factors that influence your behavior so you can overcome performance anxiety and enhance your sexual experiences. By challenging negative thought patterns, reevaluating your beliefs about success and self-worth, and practicing mindfulness, you can take control of your sexual performance and create more fulfilling experiences for yourself and your partner.

In summary, unraveling the psychological factors behind performance anxiety reveals a complex interplay between past experiences, conditioning, and self-perception. By acknowledging that negative thoughts are rooted in past traumas and do not define one’s true identity, individuals can begin to challenge and change these patterns. Understanding the role of external validation in shaping self-esteem allows for a shift towards internal validation and self-acceptance.

Moreover, introducing new patterns of thought through mindfulness and present-moment awareness offers a pathway to break free from negative cycles and cultivate a more positive mindset. Ultimately, by gaining insight into the origins of performance anxiety and actively working to reframe thought patterns, individuals can reclaim control over their sexual experiences and foster greater satisfaction and fulfillment in their intimate relationships.